Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Rollercoaster


Last night, for the first time in 23 years I nearly threw up.  TMI?  Probably.

I've prided myself on the fact that I have not vomited since I was 12 years old!  I have an intense paranoia of it.  And of anything that causes it.  Ask my husband...if a food item is one day past its expiration date (though he tells me it is a 'sell by date'), then I refuse to consume it.  I used to throw it out the day after the 'expiration date'.  But that caused total uproar in our home, and truthfully, I have a husband and three kids that have all consumed milk that was up to several days past its 'expiration date' with no consequence.  I'm not a fan of buffet restaurants because the possibility of food poisoning seems greater in those establishments.  You never have to worry about me drinking too much, I'm afraid of the hangover!  And if raw chicken juice gets anywhere in my kitchen, it is immediately washed and disinfected.

I would love to live the rest of my life and never throw up.  But I came remarkably close last night...I'm still amazed I avoided it!

Why do I tell you this gross story?  Because of what I believe is behind the near-puking moment.  If you read back to the beginning of this blog you'll see that I started 2010 working out, eating right and determined to get to my goal weight once and for all.  And I did good for several months!  I had great accountability and inspiration via online friends, I set goals for myself and met them, losing over 20 pounds and training for and running my first 5K.  I was on my way to that elusive 'breaking the 200 mark'.


But then...

Those of you who are in my court...you know if you are...the ones who start a new endeavor to lose weight, get in shape, and get healthy finally...and then seem to always run into the 'but then...' moment.  I've had 'but then's...' that are dramatic and life altering.  But this 'but then...' that threw me off course was simply a season.  SUMMER!  My routine changed with my kids done with school, and one week of 'taking a break' turned into three months of all out lack of discipline.  I didn't even blog.  So my regular readers...you can be fairly certain that if I fall off the face of this blog for several weeks, it almost always is synonymous with me falling off the healthy living wagon too.

Last night before going to bed I made a series of poor food choices.  It started with some sweet treats I found in my desk...a hidden stash that I discovered and decided to consume all of on the spot.  Was I hungry?  No...just craving sugar.  Not too long later I ran to the store to pick up a few ingredients that were missing for the meals for the rest of our week.  My husband requested that I pick him up his favorite ice cream treats.  Of course, there are several in the box, and when I got home, I helped myself to one, despite the fact that it was 11 pm, I wasn't hungry and I knew I'd be heading to bed soon.  But my husband went to bed before I did, so I went ahead and helped myself to some more snacky foods...almost subconsciously.  Snacking even though I wasn't hungry just because it is habitual when winding down in front of the TV.  But I was tired and soon dozing (something to do with the combination of the late hour and the load of sugary fatty food in my tummy ya think?!).  Two hours later I woke up choking, running to the bathroom afraid I wouldn't make it in time.  But in the end, once I got vertical, the feeling like I was going to throw up started to go away.  It was reflux of some kind that happened...no question caused by eating too much crappy food and right before going to sleep no less.

Though I've been feeling convicted to reign in my eating and re-start my exercising lately, I knew after this late night episode that I needed to make the change.

I gotta admit...I'm feeling a lot of shame about my major lapse.  I was doing so well and totally undid 6 months of great work in just 3 short months.  And this is not a new story.  In fact, it feels like it is a story that has played over in my life 2 billion times.  To the tune of over 100 excess pounds.  I got back into blogging this fall with a benign post about homeschooling.  Yes, I will post a lot about homeschooling here, since it is a major part of my day.  But this blog started as "Making Over Me", and that is an ongoing process.  Clearly.  I've started back reading some of my favorite inspiring blogs so far.  And they are still inspiring...and I'm so proud of these inspirational women!  I don't think any of them would claim that their journey has been perfect.  But they've been continuing on the journey despite the ups and downs.  I doubt any of them have had a 3 month 'down' like I, because they are all looking FABULOUS!  But 3 month lapse or not, I'm going to keep on keeping on with my journey too.

So, here we go!  I won't be posting every day...but at least 3-4 times a week.  If I start to fall behind, please e-mail me and kick my arse, will ya?


2 comments:

  1. I am glad you are back!! I know when I'm feeling less than inspired, feeling like it's just too hard or I'll never make it, reading the journeys of other people via their blogs ALWAYS helps. That's why we chose to take our journey public, right? Accountability and encouragement, it just goes both ways.

    If you can find some kind of takeaway from your 3 months off, it won't be wasted time. Love you lots!

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  2. oh man...ME TOO!! But my down fall happened a bit earlier...it was our little mini vacation to visit family in April. I blogged about it, and gaining five pounds due to eating differently, but then my grandma died and we had more trips like camping and family events through the summer, and here I am...not lost one single pound more! I didn't gain it all back eaither (luckily) but I have felt horrible and kind of have been avoiding writing about it on my blog too. Guess I need to do that :)

    Thanks for the honesty and encouragement that it isn't too late to jump back on the bandwagon! Good luck!

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