I didn't get a Mamavation Monday post in yesterday. Honestly I didn't want to blog. I've been discouraged with myself lately. I start each week strong, and then about half way through the week sometime I start to 'fall off the wagon'...and continue falling until I'm completely face down in the dirt!
My weight has reflected that pattern...going down and then up again the same 4 or 5 pounds during the entire month of April (following my unhealthy vacation where I gained 8 pounds!).
And I know it is nothing except getting beyond myself that I need to do. I have found, though, that I've become a slave to the scale and in some ways, that darn scale is part of what I use to rationalize jumping off of that wagon. Take, for example, last week. I weighed in 3 pounds down from the week before. Wahoo! Then I weighed myself the next day...another 2 pounds gone...yippeee!! With all that weight loss, my motivation for eating healthy and exercising was strong. I pushed it into high gear, exercising twice a day and really monitoring my food consumption. Then the next day I weighed again and was back up 2 pounds. What? So I found that with that totally inexplicable gain I started to lose motivation. Subconsciously the message of "it doesn't make a difference" starts playing over in my head. I slack on working out. I eat when I'm not hungry. I indulge in sweets or other foods that throw me off track. The next day I weigh again...up another pound. And so the cycle goes until the end of the week and I've gained back all the weight I lost earlier that week.
So I need to get rid of the scale for a while. I realize that puts me out of contention for Move It & Lose It. To be honest I felt pretty hopeless about that because from the time I applied to Mamavation until the Move It & Lose It challenge was announced, I went on vacation and gained that ill-fated 8 pounds. But the starting weights to be counted were the ones from our applications. I still haven't even gotten back down to that weight...let alone lost more. Feeling the pressure and hopelessness of catching up has led me to self-sabotage myself even more.
I weighed myself yesterday morning...and I'll weigh myself again at the end of 21 days. I'll report then what my starting and ending weights are. Until then, I won't be reporting my weigh-ins on here.
Why 21 days? Well I'm doing the Pete Cohen 21-Day Program (or 'Programme' as the say in England!) and it is WONDERFUL! I had started watching some of the introductory videos before, but hadn't gotten into the 21 Days. This is exactly what I need to give me a shot in the arm every day as I strive to get OFF the rollercoaster I've allowed myself to be on. So on the website for this program, I'm encouraged to jot down thoughts in a journal contained on the site. So I have been doing that and thought I'd share my last few entries from that site below...
From early in the Day on May 3rd:
The month of April has been one L O N G struggle for me. Not for any reason that my own sabotage!
At the beginning of the month I went on vacation. I brought my tennis shoes to go walking. I brought my exercise DVD's and hand weights too. But I never used them...not once. Instead I ate fatty foods at restaurants, indulged in desserts daily and drank sodas right and left.
From January through March this year I lived a pretty healthy lifestyle and lost 20 pounds. This one week of horrible living and I gained back 8 pounds! I've spent the entire month of April since yo-yo-ing all over the scale. Seems I start each week strong and spend 3-4 days eating pretty well and exercising. But then, I allow something to derail me (negative thoughts, temptation, poor planning, whatever) and I spend the next 3-4 days of the week living a horrible lifestyle healthwise (eating poorly, not exercising, negative emotions, etc.). And thus my weight has barely moved in the month (other than up and down a few pounds).
But I've had this wonderful tool from Pete Cohen available this whole time. And though I've been getting the reminders in my e-mail inbox to get started with my 21 days, I have kept putting it off though. Why? I came online last night, knowing I need to kick myself in the arse or else May will look just like April did and soon I'll find myself 6 months down the road at the same weight I am now (or higher).
I am ready for my 21 days. I will be following ALL the guidelines...because I know I can do them...and I know from experience that it works. I am looking forward to having Pete's motivation, encouragement and wisdom along the way. And I look forward to checking in in 3 weeks to report what progress I've made!
(PS - check out my weight loss blog at http://makingoverme.blogspot.com)
From later on the day on May 3rd:
I really like the visualization techniques already described on this program. The one that has been most powerful for me so far has been the visualization of "6 months, 1 year, 5 years". Thinking of what my future would look like if I continued in poor eating habits and inactive lifestyle in 6 months...what would it be like in 1 year...what would it be like in 5 years?
But then there is the flip side. If I continue in the positive changes I am making now, that future has a whole different look to it. By continuing to eat healthy and be as active as possible...NOW what does my future look like in 6 months, 1 year and 5 years? I LIKE THAT FUTURE! :)
I was challenged to write down clearly what are my goals for these 21 days. Here goes:
1 - I want to lose weight. I'm not going to put an amount or a number on it, but I'd like to lose weight
2 - I want to have improved cardio and strength abilities. I plan to run/walk every morning and add in a 2nd workout 3-4 times each week which will include strength training. Right now I can run about 1/2 mile without stopping. In 21 days I'd like to be able to run a full mile without stopping.
3 - I'd like to have greater confidence in myself. Greater confidence in my ability to uphold a healthy lifestyle for myself and my family and greater confidence in how others perceive me (NOT as a 'lazy fat person' but as a capable, confident and energetic woman!).
4 - I'd like to feel more feminine. I find the more weight that I've put on, the less feminine I feel. Probably this is because it is hard to feel sexy when I'm 100 pounds overweight. It's hard to look sexy or find clothes that I feel are flattering to me when I am 100 pounds overweight. It is easier to wear the lounge pants, t-shirt and hair in a ponytail day after day. But that isn't very exciting for my husband...and I don't feel great about it either. So today, after my workout, I took a shower, put on nice clothes & perfume, did my hair and put on makeup. My nails are even painted! And I have NO WHERE notable to go...just home caring for the kiddos all day. But I already feel better about myself AND more feminine. And I haven't even lost an ounce yet!
5 - I'd like to be an inspiration to someone else along the way. Perhaps this will be my husband, or my kids. Perhaps it will be a friend or a relative. Since I write a blog about my journey, perhaps it will be someone I don't even know! But I'd like to inspire someone else to GO FOR IT in their own quest to be slimmer, fitter and healthier over these next 21 days. I've weighed myself this AM and I've put my scale away. I won't weigh again until Day 21.
From today (May 4th):
Okay, yesterday was Day 1 on the 21 Day program! And it went well. I tried my best to use ALL the tools yesterday. I found some came very easily, and others were more difficult.
The ones that came easily were:
Drinking water. I easily drank 2 liters of water...in fact I am sure it was closer to three liters. I love water and filled up a 32 oz. water bottle and brought it around with me everywhere I went yesterday...that helped me continue to keep drinking water all day.
Eating natural foods. I've been working to switch my family over to a more natural diet for some time now. So this tool came fairly easily because most of the food we have stocked in the house is natural. I did try to focus on eating more fruits and veggies throughout the day because that is an area I am weak in.
Walking for 30 minutes. I woke up at 6:00 am and went out for a run. I'm working on getting up to being able to run a 5K. Right now I can only run about half of it, then I speed-walked the other half. I was outdoors and it was a beautiful morning. I loved hearing the birds singing and smell the fresh grass. It was all very relaxing even though I was working hard! :)
What was more challenging?
Eating slowly. I caught myself several times yesterday wolfing down my food. I remember in one video Pete talked about how people tend to chew food only as much as they need to in order to be able to swallow. This has been true for me. When I'd catch myself eating fast, I'd try to focus on setting my silverware down between bites and chewing my food for several bites before swallowing. But my natural tendency is to eat fast, so I'm going to have to stay conscious of how I am eating.
Being as active as possible. Sometimes once I've gotten my main workout in for the day I fall into lazy mode. I find myself asking my children to retrieve something for me that I could easily get myself...except I don't feel like getting up and running up the stairs and back down. Yesterday I also caught myself doing that, but then tried to make choices that had me moving more...even if it was to retrieve things around the house or be more active with my household chores.
Reducing Sugar & Stimulants. This one will be hard for me because there is NO DOUBT that I am a sugar addict! I love sweet foods and I tend to turn towards those type of foods first when I am hungry or have a craving. Yesterday we had some chocolate chip mix in our house that I decided to make up and take with us to a get together at our friends home last night. I knew that way the cookies would all get eaten up there instead of at our house. And I brought an apple with me in my purse to have as my snack. BUT once I was there I allowed the deceptive rationalizing voices in my head talk me into eating just one cookie. And that is all I had, but I wish I hadn't. I ate well all day long and I don't believe that one cookie threw me off too much, but it is more the idea that I let my weaknesses gain control that bother me more than anything!
What am I focusing on for Day 2?
Eating S L O W L Y
Walk 30 minutes (or more)
Being as active as possible (I'm planning on doing a bike ride with the children this afternoon)
Relaxation (I plan to listen to Pete's relaxation recording later today)
Thanks for your comments and encouragement...it has really been helpful as I find my way back OFF of the rollercoaster!